Accidental Anxiety Influencer<p>Here’s a little update on my ridiculous <a href="https://aus.social/tags/poly" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>poly</span></a> thruple situation. </p><p>Despite the new agreement thrashed out as mentioned earlier in this thread, the blast radius of A & T’s ongoing chaos was not contained. </p><p>Mistakes continued to be made and on Thursday I was given the arse from my probationary new job, for insufficient engagement - the subtext being that my relationship drama was too intrusive and I was not excelling. </p><p>That was a final straw and I issued a wind-up order on the situation. Much drama ensued but I can’t afford to have relationship shit impact my career. </p><p>A arranged to go and tell T in person, but events got ahead of us and I was forced into doing it over WhatsApp myself. </p><p>Now, one of the things about text comms as opposed to a conversation is you can *scroll up* and review what’s been said in detail. After a fairly heated argument with T, I did just that. I scrolled up. </p><p>And I started recognising some of his tactics. </p><p>Gaslighting, blame shifting, projection. </p><p>We’ve been fucking played by a manipulator. He’s been deliberately running a divide and conquer campaign. He’s spotted weaknesses in both of us and exploited them. </p><p>He’s needled my anxiety repeatedly, as a way of inciting conflict between myself and A. He’s encouraged and stoked A’s justifiable dislike of my drinking habits to likewise stoke conflict (and has literally been the guy who said to me “oh you stay at the pub a bit longer, you deserve to relax”). He’s lovebombed the living shit out of her, and he’s deliberately bought her a gift that reminded of a previous traumatic conflict. And then laughed it off. He’s definitely exploited her ADHD impulsivity and her Oppositional Defiance.</p><p>He’s made himself a fixture in our weekly trivia nights, despite confessing to hate it and blaming my competitiveness for making him anxious, driving a wedge between me and A. </p><p>Every time I’ve needed a break and some space, he’s been the one pushing back against it, and he’s persuasive. He’s managed to talk me out of severe anxiety - thereby gaining trust - before mere hours later needling it again - stoking conflict. </p><p>We’ve got to breakup points where I’ve wanted to throw A out, and he’s talked it back down, before repeating the exact behaviour that led to the bustup in the first place. I have zero idea what he’s been pulling on A in private but I can’t imagine it being any less intense.</p>